Melancholy

"Bang! Bang! Bang!!"
He'd made up his mind.
"Bang! Bang! Bang!!"
No matter how despondent and dejected he was, he wouldn't let despair get the better off him! Even if it meant banging on helpless pipelines that refused to carry the waste water through them, spilling them over the funnel instead. Funny thing, frustration is!
"Bang! Bang! Bang!!"
'Take that! And That!!', he said out loud. He hated water spilling over the funnel on the hapless cemented floor of the compressor house. He had a thing for the compressor house. This is where he spent most of his time, when he was down, when he was elated, when he was indifferent to what was going on around him. This place gave him solace like no other, barring only his home! 'How dare you refuse to carry away all the water?' he demanded and he banged the pipeline some more. The pipe gave in allowing a little more water to flow through it this time, but not enough to impress him! He eyed the funnel with contempt. 'And that goes for you too!!'
"Bang! Bang! Bang!!"
They'd had enough. The water level in the funnel began its steady demise. 'You better watch-out, boy! Really!!'
He felt sorry for he had been rude to the pipe that carried all the waste to where it belonged. 'They gave me no choice!', he explained. Spare the rod and spoil the child, he thought. He managed a flicker of a smile on his face this time.
He inspected all the pumps as he walked right below the pipe-rack, checking lube-oil and quench-steam of some, increasing cooling-water flow in the others. Or just giving them a pat on their back motor for they'd been good all morning.
But there was something about the morning that had been worrying him. Something about the day before that kept vexing him even as he tried his best to pay full attention to the pumps, for he knew it didn't take much for them to start throwing a tantrum or two every now and then. He been a sorry witness to it a few days back. He winced as he tried not to let morbid thoughts bog him down at the start of the day itself. He contemplated the way things could have been the day before. He stared aimlessly at the bare patch of the bottom-pump discharge pipeline, gazing at the heat-waves that he saw emanating from it.
He shook himself off of his trance and started to walk towards the furnace. He tapped on each draught-gauge to check if it would show any other reading. He'd known they were fickle from bitter experience. He ascended the stairs leading to the second of the three furnaces that lay close by. The others were a stone's throw away from there and he knew he'd be paying them a visit too! He did that everyday. But today was just not like 'everyday'. Today was different and dull and depressing. He walked right to the peephole glass and saw his face on the glass just as he was about to pull the shutter-ropes to make the heaters' internals visible to his eluding eyes. 'How apt!', he said to himself. For he knew he'd been burning with indignation all the while he was there. He didn't feel sorry for himself. He was just sorry things turned out the way they did. He pulled the rope and saw the flames of the heater, more beautiful than he'd ever seen. He knew he couldn't enjoy the sight, but he tried nonetheless. And succeeded, although he felt like a cheapskate right away. They were all at their best today. He came down and walked towards the phosphate dosing area checking the level in the dosing drum and running the mixer for a while to allow the settled phosphate to mix thoroughly, for 'why should a chemical suffer the injustices that life has to offer', he mused. He glanced at his Timex and knew at once that he'd have to quicken things up, for it was nearly 8.
He quickened his pace and was among the furnaces again. Only these were 'Non-IFP' heaters and pretty small when compared to the furnace which he'd inspected only minutes ago. He was weary of small things. For he knew, small things were often overlooked. He tapped on their draught-gauges too. It had become a habit. -10mmWC. He knew it was too high a draught. He knew what was needed to be done, but he wasn't up to it. Not today. He decided he'd ask his operator to do the needful.
On his way back from the furnace he heard abnormal noises coming from the Compressor House-2. Not the ideal place to be hearing abnormal noises from, he knew. He knew what the matter was. This time, though, he did the needful himself for he knew the consequences. Draining Delayed, Is Draining Denied! He was ready to upset anything but his compressors. He had 17 and he took pride in taking care of each one of them. He spotted an Operator nearby. He admonished him for not being careful enough. He walked away feeling really silly for having given him a earful, but he knew, that it would serve the purpose.
Such is life, he thought. He'd made himself adept at laughing at the face of desperation, but all he could manage today was a bleak smile.
Life & Its Bite-In-The-Bum Syndrome!!

Full Circle..!! (Or Poetry In Pang)

'Let's not even talk about', I said, down in the mouth and all .

'Too hoppin' mad to talk I am. I sooooo knew it!' She complained furiously. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, they said. It shall never be my endeavor to seek proficiency first hand, in this particular matter, for Fools rush in where Angels fear to tread

'Well, I didn't. Which is why it hurts all the more!', was all I could come up with, totally dejected at the way Life had played its evil game over again for the umpteenth time.

Somethings in life do deserve a special mention. This one could do without it.

Life can be that way - always the leveler that He claims He is! But seriously, do we even need things to be fair? Will it just not be good enough if it had to be a little unfair in our favor? And although explaining our failures that way would be wayyyyyyy to difficult - come to think of it - who would encounter failures if He was on our side?
Happenstances, they say, have their own significance. No matter how trivial or how crucial!
(Yeah, Right! And I was born yesterday!)
I think people come up with such lines to give solace to their sorry souls - for how can you explain people pardoning the way Life treats them?

Life! Death To Thee!!
I Shall
Set Thee Free.
(One Of These Days)
I Shall

To be or not to be is the question!

'I'd rather be than not be! For being is better than not being!" (Said I)
"Ummm...me too, My Lord?", said Gloom.
"Oh, what the heck! Yes, you too!", totally sorry as soon as I heard those sound waves travel to the distant corners of the Garden Of Eden
"But do remember! We're legally separated now. I still have that Restraining Order and I wouldn't mind sending you back to jail!!' I sneered, not sorry for one lousy moment that it might hurt my (once) soul-mate.

Gloom! Death To Thee!!
I Shall
Set Thee Free.
(One Of These Days)
I Shall

I looked in their eyes. They were sorry. For they had done what was humanly possible - and I couldn't have asked for more, for they were only mortals. Tears rolled down their cheeks for they had been hurt as much as I. Only they had been hurt all the more (knew not I). All the more you say? Aye! Easy to shatter the hopes of billions, you say? Nay! Takes some doing. Specially after you've carried the hopes to such lofty heights.
'Forgiveness, is what you deserve', I wish I'd said
But I didn't, for I didn't get the chance.

But I wish to let them know
I'm ready to forgive and let go!
No point hanging on to something
that'll only feelings of distress, forego!

Oh Men! Pardon To Thee!
I Shall
Set Thee Free
(On This Very Day)
I Shall
(Set Thee Free)

We Will Survive! (I just wish some of us wouldn't >:P)

We survive everything life throws at us. And I mean everything!! Its not even funny. Come to think of it it must be a miracle that we survive as long as we do (sadly, for some). Thats like the understatement of the century. With all the imminent diseases, fires, syndromes, accidents, calamities, ammonia leaks just waiting to happen, we might consider ourselves really lucky to have been alive for this long!
And quite frankly, If I were God (how I wish I was!) I would've liquidated people by the dozen!! Yeah, yeah I know - I'm over-reacting a little, you think. But you should get to know the people that I have to deal with all day!! Ok, ok lets not get side-tracked.
It gets kinda scary sometimes with the kind of danger that shrouds us all around. There are a hundred million ways one can die or be killed - and just one to live! Now the mathematician in me says thats pretty unfair, if probability is anything to go by. But then again its hard to believe probability when *some* people live so they can keep vexing you like all the time! Sometimes i feel there is no God - but then I'm reminded of all the good things life has to offer and I quickly eschew all agnostic feelings for God like I abjure solving mathematics problems!
Its really strange that sometimes prudence should emanate from reading stuff that seem pretty frolicsome in the first instance. I'm particularly reminded of this Calvin & Hobbes strip that had Calvin musing on how arduous it is to have faith in Lightning (& in a way - God himself) when there aren't enough well placed lightnings to eliminate jerks (for good).
At the end of it all, I think we'll all survive the deluge of numbskulls and their weird ways like the insurmountable protagonist in just about every movie we lay our eyes on (barring a few exceptions). And who knows, we might even dance our way around bushes too! (I hope not - am a lousy dancer and I wouldn't want *her* to start hating me the moment she fell in love) :p

Bloggin' It Off..!

Ever wondered what the limit to boredom is?
Seriously, every time you think you've had your share of boredom and that nothing can take this new found peak [or abyss - as you like to call it] to greater heights [or depths] - you just simply go out there & prove to yourself that given a challenge you can attain greatness from mediocrity!!
But have you ever thought [and i come back to my point] what the true limit to boredom is? Coz we never seem to know - and quite frankly no one even seems to care now, apparently! We just seem to have accepted it as a part of our lives. For the better or worse, is another matter. Like that time when you were so bored - you couldn't even find sleep (that, by the way, is one of the worst ways of getting bored, second only to night-shifts) or when you got nothing to do and your friend's phone is busy, which like leaves you with one less thing that can be done!
So, what is it about tedium that makes it so unsolicited? I mean for all we know, it might be in vogue in some other planetary system unlike ours? Maybe the 'people' there think exhilaration is just forthright abysmal or ghastly or whatever else they're supposed to think of it. Maybe 'they' look forward to night-shifts too! Na, that's too much to ask actually! :p
Have you ever felt that boredom gets you more boredom? Like one of those sale gimmicks that promise you two free things for everything you purchase - and that's kinda stupid coz that thing is totally hopeless in the first place! (But then again - that's life for you - if you didn't know already :p)

I seriously feel sorry for Taj Mahal. I mean imagine sitting there all day watching people watch you and not a thing in the world that you can do to change it! I think we should all be glad we're not some monument (although we do feel like it sometimes :p) But come to think of it, boredom is just there!! And try as you might - there's not one darn thing you can do to eliminate it (which is a SSOA)

There's Boredom Everywhere - some just blog it off! ;-)

Love, Actually??

Was watching this show on The Discovery Channel sometime back about the Chemistry Of Love [or the lack of chemistry involved in it]. It had a very significant and a very powerful point to make. Since Adam & Eve, we've been led into believing that 'Love' is actually a feeling that originates from the heart but that the very existence of such a bond between hearts can actually be refuted by Science & Scientists [what/who else?]. It was shown with substantial experimental proof that actually love is a feeling that has its roots in the Brain [Man this 'guy' is on fire. Every thing that we do, this 'chap' has got to be involved!!]. Way To Go, Mr. B!!
Now that might as well be the truth of the matter, but personally thinking of 'Love' in terms of some nervous stimulation on a specific part of the brain really kills the whole excitement and the adventure of actually 'Being In Love', because the whole idea of the heart 'falling for someone' is then just a vagary and not reality [which somehow or the other isnt as romantic, is it?]. This 'new found' data is more to please the Scientist in everyone than the romantic in every soul because although the truth, at the end of the day it isnt what we've been led to believe all these years [what a kill-joy!]. Imagine what a lover letter might sound like! Its been exactly [say] 2 days since my eye received your images on the retina and the brain sent [another part of the brain] a message telling me that you're the one for me! Eversince, my brain [actually just a part of it] has been releasing this 'chemical X' [we ordinary mortals don't wanna know what it is called anway!] that gives me a feeling that I'm in love with you! [Imagine someone actually getting this. Its pathetic, I mean if I don't like it knowing the fact that I just made it up a few minutes ago, I can't see why someone else receiving it will feel otherwise!] So much for an old-fashioned Love-Letter!
Which is precisely why this idea of the 'brain falling in love' although good in theory [and proved by experiments & data] isnt very popular among people [who more often than not avoid making life more complicated than it already is!]. A very famous writer [the name unfortunately eludes my brain ; )] had once said, "For years I believed that the most intelligent part of the human body was the brain, then I realised which part of me was actually telling that!!" So in a way it is really upto the individual to decide whether he/she falls in love with all his/her heart or just a small part of the brain. Another interesting question that comes to mind is what in the first place prompted people to think that matters of love were dealt with the heart?

Get Addicted...But Let It Not Be An Addiction!!

Well, well, well!! I always knew Internet could be addictive; I never knew I would get addicted to it! Hah!! What is it about internet that makes it so addictive? Really, I cant figure out for the life of me, why is it so addictive? It's like addiction to coffee for some, alcoholic beverages for others and God knows what!! Coffee contains caffeine which tends to make it addictive; alcoholic beverages contain alcohol [needless to say]. What is it about the internet? Something that I can't put my finger on and say well the internet contains "Formula XYZ" that makes it so addictive. Similar is the addiction with games, although Thank God I don't suffer from that [atleast not anymore ;) ]

This all started from the day my sister left home after getting married and I was the only chap left at home with Mom [my Father is in the office all day]. So I decided to end the endless gloom in my life by chatting with people online [which earlier wasnt called for and wasnt feasible considering that my sister and I used the Computer as and when we felt like it]. And although chat rooms tend to be a little too sloppy and insane most of the times, its also really stimulating as far as improving ones knowledge goes, provided one is ready to learn [and ignore people who won't let you learn]. So although you are addicted to the internet [and chat-rooms as the case maybe!] you never let your insanity get the better off you! Its funny why I say that, but actually everyone one of us has a tendency to lose his/her cool in times of gloom, boredom or at times when your mood has really taken a beating or you find yourself at the wrong end of a prank or slander!! But that only makes it more worse. Worse than being addicted to something? Ooohh! that's got to be something to look-out for!! But I've had better luck lately, apparently some problems with my LAN settings or the Firewall causes me to join the chat-rooms but not receive any messages for the past two days. As a result I dont miss chatting a lot like I did say the first day this happened -- but may be that has only to do with the fact that I've been doing other things now! God Is Great, Isn't He? [or is God a She??] Hmm.....fodder for thought!! :-?

Procrastinate Later !

Ever since i was young, one thing thats been with me all through-out my life (much like my shadow - only more faithful for it has been with me even at times when my shadow would let me survive in this world alone!). That thing is ofcourse my laziness and the indegenous habit of procrastinating things for later. So much so that my friends and family got into a soup because of this 'heavenly' habit of mine. I can distinctly remember when i was young and i used to get assignments for my vacation and all through the vacation i kept telling me, "Relax, your vacation has just begun." And on the evening before the school re-opened, "Oh God! I had assignments to do!!" The saying with my family was - "A Family That Stays Together Does The Assignment Together" This carried till the time i was in my third standard (My family helping me out i.e., not the delay - how i wish it was!).
About six years ago on my birthday, a friend of mine gifted me a book. One of the many quotes in it was the 'truth'.... "Today is the tomorrow you talked about yesterday" I recall it was in the evening of that very day (16th Dec.) when i was going through that very book that i had made up my mind and the word 'procrastination', 'delay', 'put-off' and the like would be not only deleted but shift+deleted (so i have no second thoughts of restoring the items from my recycle bin). I really felt like i was going somewhere from there. With the other quotes in the book that were very much written and printed so as to bring out the 'winner' in everyone who read it -- i thought that was the end of the days of mediocrity! No longer will i be one of the guys who'd just end up scrapping through to the top 10 in my class. I saw in me the future topper of my class (and he did look pretty since it was the man (boy rather) in the mirror). After having had such awe-inspiring thoughts all of the evening, there was nothing it seemed that could stop me. "Watch out everyone, Here I come!!" Oops too late, for now i was feeling sleepy! But what about the home-work? Turned out - the never procrastinate was procrastinate for later in practice. Oh! Was up nearly till mid-night doing what i ought to have done by the evening itself! It was then that it dawned upon me - Procrastination was not just a file that i could delete from my computer, it was the memory resident virus that had infected me since i was a child. I'm only glad this virus hasnt showed up for a long time now!! Else?? I guess this blog would have been up on blogger a good month or so into 2005! [Ah! no difference it would have made - still would have been a pain in the ***, isnt it?]

When Mankind Has Enough Helicoptors To Shoot Down Mosquitoes!!!

Well atleast that is possible when guys with absolutely nothing to think of try and kill time because that is the only reasonable thing they can think of doing!
Still feels like a day or two ago (and it still makes my jaws ache when i think how very frustrated we'd get). Back in the hostel when we had absolutely no pressure (usually the beginning of the semester of people & almost the whole of the semester for guys like me ;)) our mind was like a horse that had no tethers (fortunately or unfortunately that state of mind would invariably carry forward to till the very end - even on nights before the exams). Oops, sorry i've been constantly using the word we/us and the likes and i havent 'introduced' him to you - Meet my room-mate, Amit (better known as Time pass - T.P. for short). . I don't know if i'm authorised to say this but i guess i brought out the best in him!! Together we were the most notorious room-mates in our hostel, so much so that our room had messages written on the door warning trespassers to watch out or they'd be sucked into the eye of the storm (or something vaguely implying that atleast)!!! The other members of the discussion were generally people who did get sucked in the eye of the storm! Anyway lets get our helicoptors back on the 'mission route' ;)
At night when we would just go to our beds to doze off (or during times when we got really frustrated after having spent all our patience on trying to comprehend some abstruse subject that we had to study in order to get through with our engineering!) we'd suddenly realise the place was a 'jungle' with mosquitoes prowling all over the place. And the T.P that Amit was, he'd suddenly blurt out, "i wish i could shoot them with missiles!" and i would join in like the Chemical Engineer that i was soon to be, "we could shoot them with sodium needles! and just before they were on the collision course, we'll spray a little water so the explosion is fatal!!" But after further mulling over we ask of the other, "but how can we track them down??" "I guess we'll just have to have helicoptors chasing them all over the room." We'd discuss the 'battle plan' for a good 45 minutes or till the time one of us would think it was time we got back to slogging it out for the exams again.

One particular syndrome that we'd infected during the 3rd year of our engineering was to make the worlds most sophisticated (paper) Fighter Plane. All care was taken to make the 'lift', wings and tail perfect - which infact improved with each new attempt. From where would we find such large volumes of paper? (i'm sure you'll find yourself asking this). What use were the journals - it would hardly be of any use once the oral exams were over (as was the case here!). We (me and my roomies) would make around 5-6 planes a minute! (Lockheed-Martin are you listening??). The test 'air-strip' would be from our room's window to the road leading to the canteen (our room was on the 1st floor then and later on the 2nd floor). (Too many brackets here - don't you think..??) We had tried all the available models from the MiG-21s to the Su-30MKIs, MiG-27s to the Jaguars! (atleast in speech, if not practice). One piece of machine (or paper should i say) that we were really proud of was our very own production - The "kick'em ass" planes! They were designed to conquer enemy territory and return back - ofcourse they never made it. Damn those stupid japanese kamikazi pilots!
And the funniest part was we would'nt give a damn who was walking on the road - professors, teachers, students -- we would just make them take-off on their 'scheduled time'. During these days we got a high by doing a very strange thing - passing a 'comment' (if it qualifies as one) to all the girls (all the 'local' (ghaati) girls i.e.) "Oh Local Ladkiyon!" we would shout at the top of our voices and then take shelter behind the curtains
Oh what great days we had back then...
Why can't we go back in time and relive these moments all over again??
Oh Life seems so cruel (specially when you got nothing to do all day long!!)